Changes

I have been so concerned about writing about this and sharing it with anyone because the few people we have shared it with have been very oppositional. But, I have to believe in you all and trust that you will understand. I have not been myself lately. I have not been doing the things I know I should. Just because I have been bound up. For the past 6 weeks, I have not wanted to go to church. There, I said it. I haven’t wanted to go. Nothing happened, no one said anything, no one did anything. I just haven’t wanted to go. I have been in prayer about it for weeks and nothing has changed. Two Sundays ago Gary got up and asked me if I would be alright staying home? I said yes, and we had church at home. It was wonderful. We talked all day about how we felt, how we felt God was leading us, what we believed God was wanting us to be and do. We both had the same thoughts as to how He wants to use us. I came to find out through that, that he was having the same thoughts and feelings, he didn’t want to go either.
Now, let me make this perfectly clear....... This has absolutely nothing to do with how we are as Christians. We still and forever will believe in the Lord and will follow Him for the rest of our lives. I am not saying I do not believe in God because I don’t go to church. There is no greater passion in my life than to follow God, read His Word, and tell others about Him. I love the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul. Going to church can’t do that for you. It is either in you or it’s not. With that said, I will continue.
For some time I believed there had to be something wrong with me because of this. Why, that was the only question that would come to mind. Why did I not want to go? I prayed and prayed for God to take this from me. Then that day when Gary and I talked about what we believed God was doing in us, it became clear. It doesn’t matter why. It was what it was, and we knew somehow God was and will use it for His purpose. So, this is the reason I have not been on here as much, writing on my blogs as much. I believed there was something terribly wrong with me. And after that was gone, I felt no one would understand. So, I just said nothing.
Here is where we are right now. We have not been to church in 2 weeks. We have not said we will never go to church. I would like to find a church closer to home. We drive 30 miles now, and that is sort of a problem. Plus it is hard to feel a community atmosphere that far away. I didn’t think that would be a problem at first, yet it has become one. Gary and I are getting a lot from God right now, we have put ourselves in His hands and will go where He leads us. That may be to Georgia, and Gary buying his own truck and driving as and Owner/Operator. This is what we are in prayer about now. We know God has called Gary to preach, in what way we don’t know yet. He is not called to pulpit ministry, yet to preach His Word. We believe we have been called to start up a home church.
In many ways we feel like Abraham. God is telling us to go, but we don’t know where. We believe it is to Georgia. We also know that when God tells you to go, GO!!!!! On the same token, we believe there is a reason we are on this road. Not wanting to go to church, we believe God has a purpose for it. I know for Gary and I both, that our relationship has grown so much through this time. Our relationship with God that is. And ultimately, that is what it really boils down to. It is not about religion, it is about relationship. And now my friends you know what has been going on with me. I pray I have made this understandable to you. And I pray you do not feel differently about me after reading this.