Jehovah Jireh:

God IS my Provider!!
I have been hesitant to write about this because it doesn't always show me i a flattering light. But, God has been urging me for a while now to write it all out and share it with others. "I pray Lord, that this is helpful to others as it has been for me." So These are the events that took place last week.
Last Friday I woke up like any other day and talked to my husband on the phone. Fridays are pay-day around here and this was the day we were to pay our mortgage and Gas bill, and go to the store. My big day out. SO, I asked him how much he got and the response was not good. It was much less than we were expecting and what we needed to cover everything. He told me that he payed the mortgage and the gas bill but after they cleared we would be $25.00 in the hole. Here is where I am not shown in a flattering light. My first instinct was to be OK, to trust God and realize He had a plan. Well, that quickly went south. I began looking through my earthly eyes and not my spiritual ones. I began to get mad at God. I became convinced that He was up in heaven looking down on us and thinking this was just hilarious that we were going to be overdrawn, and couldn't afford to go to the grocery store. Here was the open door the enemy was waiting for.
As it says in the Word, he roams around looking for those he can devour. Well, I am sure he thought he found himself a fine meal in me. All morning I was going over and over in my head the prayer I prayed the night before. That God give us enough to meet our bills, and get groceries. I was vulnerable and the enemy attacked, telling me that it was all my fault, i was a jinx, that if it weren't for me, my children and husband would be better off. And the crazy part is, I believed it. I actually called Gary and told him I was going to leave when he got home. He immediately began to tell me the Truth, rebuking the words of the enemy, speaking life and light into my heart. Reminding me of the Promise God had made to us. That He was going to bless us so much that words could not describe it. That we would not be able to contain it. Also, of the Word from the Holy Spirit just the Sunday before when He prompted our Pastors wife to say that, "I don't know who this is for, but the Lord knows that someone here is going through financial difficulties. He wants you to know that every bill will be paid, every mortgage payment will be , made every utility bill will be paid!" She had no idea who it was for, that is one thing I love about our Pastor and his wife, they NEVER hinder the Holy Spirit. She didn't know, but Gary and I did. It was for us. I came to my senses and was feeling pretty dumb for feeling that way to begin with. I mean, the things we needed to pay got paid, why was I flipping out?
Gary got an advance to cover the payments and keep us from being overdrawn, his parents were coming over to pick me up to see our friend who was in the hospital, and they would help us out, and besides.... we still had plenty of food in the house. Everything was fine. I thanked God for giving me such wonderful caring husband. And I thanked Gary for helping me through that time. He said that it was no problem, it is what married couples are supposed to do. He also reminded me of a time not too long ago that I did the same for him. So, the rest of the day was spent swimming with the kids, laying out, and just having fun. When his parents got here we asked if it would be possible for them to help out this week. Of course they said yes. We went to the hospital, Gary went to bed, and life went on. My friend? She is doing fine. We got back and my MIL wrote me a heck for groceries and I was going to take Gary to work that night so I could have the car the next day. I thanked her and they went home. Now, this was not the first time we had had to ask for help, but this time there was something different.
From the second she handed me the check I wanted to give it back. The rest of the night I was feeling weird about asking them for it. I convinced myself it was just that I didn't want to drive at night to take Gary to work. I asked God what to do, and He kept telling me, "You know what to do, go to bed, let Gary go to work and let Me take care of everything else." I went to get Gary up for work and told him I couldn't figure out what was up, why I was feeling the way I was. Was it because I felt bad for asking for help, or because I didn't wast to drive that late at night? His response? You feel bad. I knew this already, I knew the reason I was feeling that way was because I was being convicted. We talked about it, and we both realized that by asking for the help we were telling God that we didn't trust Him for our provision. We were turning to man instead of God. It was a betrayal, it was a slap in the face to our Father. So, we decided to give it back, lean on and trust in the Lord for what we needed. We also, decided that it was better this way, that we had asked, and came to the realization that we didn't need it. To say, "OK, I have this check in my hand, but I am NOT going to use it!" From that moment a stronghold had been broken. And I sensed the Lord smiling down on me.
The next day started out as normal as any other. Got up, called and talked to Gary, watched T.V., the normal stuff. The kids asked me why the car wasn't here. They knew my plans for that day. I explained to them that we were trusting God for the things we needed and that we were going to see what He was going to do. I got my shower and got ready for the day. I went out to get the mail, and you'll never guess what was in it!!!! It seemed like the same old stuff. There was one piece with my name on it, I almost didn't open it. I was amazed when I opened it up to find a Visa card. I had applied for it on a whim a week earlier. Our credit is not so great so, I didn't expect to be approved. They told me when I applied that it would take 3 weeks to know one way or the other. Then here it was a week later, and a $1000.00 credit line. I instantly called my husband, he couldn't stop praising God for it, me either. I went in and showed it to the kids and told them that God did provide. Needless to say, we weer able to get the groceries.
Gary went to work Sunday evening and when he was done with his run he was told some great news. The owner of the company wants him to run their largest account. it is going to Chicago to the Trader Joe's warehouse. He had been doing this run 3 or 4 days a week. And the owner, who has never met Gary wants him to do it all the time. So, this will be more money a week, just another God is showing us that He has a plan for us. He is making sure that there is no lack in this house. I am convinced that one simple act of faith led to all of this. Making the decision not to go to man, and only to rely on the Lord. If we had not done so, none of this would have come to pass.
I pray for any and all of you reading this that if you are struggling with the same stronghold of fear of trusting the Lord for your provision, test Him and He will show Himself trustworthy. Let loose of the fear, lean on Him, believe His words are true, and believe He is your God, your Provision. I urge you to read His Word, believe it. Here are some Scripture references I think will help to trust in Him.
1. Matthew 6:25-26
2. Matthew 6:33
3. Matthew 7:10 & 11
Meditate on them, read them, look up more, trust them, they are Truth. believe in Him, He will always provide.
Maybe this is just for me, or maybe it was for you. I will leave it up to God to decide, if it is for you I pray that you found hope in it.